I want reply!!!

I’m growing more anxious, and more anxious, and more anxious.

I want reply on email, not reply on Whatsapp. Of course it’s also happy to have replies on Whatsapp; but I still want reply on email. Huhuhu… Please reply soon… I’m so anxious.

Crying and crying again

Start crying and crying again. Thought that things will get better. But it didn’t, it was just hid under the table, deeper and deeper.

Then realized, it’s still there.

It’s been 4 years since I’m back. It really never come across my mind that it will be like that.

How much I have disappointed my church brothers and sisters, those who have tried to help me; those who tolerated with me.

And now, I don’t dare to tell any of them even though I really hope to.

Inside me I am shouting and crying for help.

But I just unable to tell them.

I’m a disappointment to them. I’m such a failure.

I have been wondering what’s wrong with me?

Will I be able to find a way out? Will I be able to find a home?

Will I be able to be happy again?

Mistakes and Failures

Every time when/after I had made a mistake or done a failure, I do wonder how many mistakes and failures more it will take me to walk to the correct path/direction.

How many people I have to disappoint in order for me to find my way.

Oh well… or maybe I’ll continuously making wrong turns on and off until I finally see my Father.

Not saying I don’t feel sorry for myself, but I guess moving on is more practical than feeling bad.

**Trying to justify because I don’t feel as bad as I guess I should be. >.<

Psalm 121

I lift up my eyes to the hills – where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip – he who watches over you will not slumber;

indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord watches over you – the Lord is your shade at your right hand;

the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm – he will watch over your life;

the Lord will watch over your coming and going

both now and forevermore.

God’s Reminder through A Friend

God’s reminder that everything is a blessing from Him. It’s all part of His perfect plan. It’s all part of His sovereign plan for me. Or more maybe God doesn’t want you to go because you are not ready yet.
The best part is after say a year when you look back you realize how trivial that was and there are much more important things in the world to worry about.
So yes it happens and it’s a very terrible feeling. But God knows and He has planned this for you. So take God’s blessing graciously knowing God has only good intention for you!

 

Malaysia

Seriously, what had happened to you?

Such a beautiful land, a land so rich with cultures and blessings.

But what had happened?

It truly crushed me and left me much sorrow that all this is happening.

We just want to be united with all other races, brothers and sisters.

We just want to feel safe when we are walking on the street or driving on the road.

I feel so so sad when you have become like this.

I feel so so hurt that because you are already hurting many people now.

Please be healed of your sickness.

Please be healed, my beloved land, my beloved country.